


Vow

by HikariHM



Category: Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions, Pocket Monsters: Black 2 & White 2 | Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 Versions
Genre: Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Father's Day fic, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Newborn Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 06:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariHM/pseuds/HikariHM
Summary: Looking back at the painful memories of his neglected childhood, N makes a promise to his newborn daughter.





	Vow

July 6th, Friday, 10:57 A.M; he won't ever forget the date.

68° Fahrenheit, outside is raining; he’s sure that the sound of the droplets hitting against the crystal window of the hospital room will be the soothing melody he is going to recall to keep himself grounded for the rest of his life.

In front of him, his exhausted wife is laying; she’s sleeping and has been sleeping for a whole hour now. But she deserves it –Arceus, she deserves everything in this world–, so he silently watches her, brushing her hair delicately, counting over and over the lashes adorning her closed eyes, focusing on the persistent sound of the rain and her inconstant sighs.

And he’s obligated to abandon that restless yet sweet trance of safety he’s in when the door cracks open. The gentle sight of the nurse makes him want to cry, as the young woman is carefully carrying a baby between her arms.

It was 10:57 A.M when she was born. The doctors made the normal protocol they followed with newborns: something in her didn’t look normal at first but it wasn’t uncommon either, so wanting to make sure everything was alright, after letting the baby being fed, they took her to another room to make some tests.

Now she’s back and the nurse announces everything is fine, that her daughter is a healthy child. Later she talks about Touko, when she’s likely to wake up and recover a bit, and then leaves, giving them space for privacy.

Almost two hours ago when she was born, N immediately burst on tears when he heard her crying, and when he held her in his arms for the very first time he felt his whole world shaking; so little was that sweet creature yet she already held the strongest power over him.

And despite having cried already, now that N’s holding her in his loving arms again, this time more peacefully and without any rush, his eyes threaten to tear up again as he feels his heart beating viciously inside of his proud, blessed and hurt chest; his daughter is so fragile, so small and defenseless, her life depending completely on him and Touko, and as it feels like a sacred duty now, he selflessly decides that he’s going to give his whole life to protecting the child resting on his embrace.

With awestruck, mesmerized, hypnotized even, N starts to trace her tiny features with his fingertips, going from her lips to her nose, later to her closed eyes and finally reaching her sparse, thin green hair. The more he looks at her, the most unbelievable and precious that becomes to him.

And he gives a glare to Touko as well, and the love, the puzzling, soothing, reassuring love he has felt for her since they met feels like blooming, growing bigger, bigger as he never believed it possible, bigger for a single body to bear it.

How magical she is. How weird life is. To think that together they created a little life so precious as the one he is holding in his arms. To think that Touko could bring her to life.

He used to be afraid. Terrified. During all the pregnancy, sometimes more evident than others, he feared he wouldn’t be a good parent, that his father’s words about him would turn out to be true; that at the end he would prove that he was actually a freak without a human heart, incapable of protecting, teaching, being functional, and end up being just a pity instead… or worst, to become just like his father was. And the dread at times became paralyzing to the point he couldn’t even talk about it.

But now, looking at her, there are no more doubts, no fears, no violent voices inside his head telling him how stupid he is, how warped he is, how undeserving, defective he is, what a failure he is going to be; he only listens to the sound of the rain outside, the irregular sighs coming from Touko and the soft mumbles his daughter makes in her sleep.

N holds her close to his chest, so close, so fervently he thinks he’s going to explode out of so much love. And as tears stream down his face, he speaks his heart with utmost sincerity:

“I already love you,” He utters sublimely. “I love you.”

Softly he kisses her forehead and the little girl slowly opens her eyes, revealing ones she has inherited from her mother.

And now N can’t help but wonder… does anyone was this happy when he was born? Or was he a doom, and meant pain and only pain to whoever gave birth to him?

At times he doubted of Ghetsis’ version and would insistently ponder, pointlessly however, that maybe he was his actual father. If that was the case: would have ever been there a moment, even a single second, when Ghetsis would feel the same love N was feeling now? Could he be actually so heartless as to have the littlest miracle in the shape of his son lying defenseless between his arms needing his love and still loathe him?

Didn’t he ever feel enthusiastic about watching him grow up? Didn’t he ever feel the urge to make him happy? Didn’t he ever want to treat him with love, care and respect?

Recalling sounds, tastes, textures, images and numbers, and numbers and more numbers of infinite things he counted while being trapped in his room –like the clouds on the floor, the tiles of the walls, the spots over the ceiling–, N murmurs a vow.

“I swear I’m not going to be like him. I’m going to love you, to truly love you, to watch you grow up, support you in whatever you want to do, encourage you to follow your dreams, respect you… I’m going to love you until the very day I die.”

But everything Ghetsis did to him, everything Ghetsis did for him as well as everything Ghetsis didn’t do for him and neglected… nothing of that matters anymore. The only thing that matters for N now is the present, his family and this frightening yet blessed chapter in his life he’s about to begin.

And deep down inside his heart, he knows Ghetsis is now forgiven.

And Touko, between the dizziness of her state and the blur of exhaustion, overhears N’s talk with their daughter; and if once she was afraid that N would abandon both her daughter and her the very same way her own father did, now she has no doubt that he will be the greatest father she could give to her child.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a father's day fic for N for years now and finally I got to do it. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
